Womens Abuse Stories - Overcoming Sexual Abuse
My mother passed away when I was eleven and my Dad was left with five of us to look after.
I have two brothers and two sisters.
Everything had been perfect with us all growing up together in Samoa.
After my Mum died we went for a family vacation to my Dads families village. It was only meant to be two weeks.
However our plans changed and my dad had to rush back to where our family had been living.
I was supposed to spend Christmas with our family so my Dads uncles wife told my Dad that I could stay and go to school near where they lived. I had told my Dad I wanted to stay as well - it was my first time visiting his family and I actually liked it.
During my stay with my Dads family I noticed a change with my Uncles wife. She was usually the one to drop me to school but instead she started sending her eldest son to drop me off and pick me up from school.
In the mornings instead of taking me straight to school he would take me to a house they had in another village and this is when the sexual abuse started. He would also sexually abuse me sometimes at their house but always threatened to kill me. I was really afraid and at the same same time I was really lonely because I hadn't seen or spoken to my Dad for a while.
My uncles wife was very mean and wouldn't let me use the phone to call my Dad.
I wasn't very close to my other family members there because I barely knew them. It was my first time meeting them and all I wanted to do was run away.
I was always coming late to school because I was being abused on the way to school. I would come to school crying and my teacher would chase me out of the classroom because I was late.
One day my teacher questioned me if everything was OK because she saw I wasn't paying attention at school and hadn't been happy. I finally told her.
On that same day she took me straight to the police station and I was referred to the Samoa Victim Support Group - it was also the same day I turned 13. It was my birthday and being there felt like the best gift I could receive. I felt like I was loved and I hadn't felt like that since my Mom had died.
I was taken to the shelter and introduced to a beautiful lady who was to be called our mother at the shelter. I saw a lot of other girls like myself and they welcomed me with their smiles. Even the little ones ran to me and said "Hi Sister!"
The next morning I woke up to singing and a morning prayer. It was like that every morning. When we woke up in the morning everyone knew what to do. I learned chores I had never learned before like cooking and doing laundry. I also learned how to weave baskets from the coconut leaves, husk the coconuts & scrape them to get coconut flakes and then turn it into coconut milk. The first Samoan food I learned how to cook was Kopai and it was my favorite. I still cook it now. I was really happy at the shelter & they kept my mind busy.
Later I had to go to court and I was scared I might see the boy who had abused me again.
The SVSG staff was there for me. The girls at the shelter & staff fasted and also kept me in prayers during this time. It helped me shake off the fear a little bit.
My case was really hard because I had no witnesses at all but SVSG stood by me and helped me through it. It was hard because I saw my abuser in court but the SVSG lawyers won the case and he went to jail.
While I stayed at the shelter they helped me learn to forgive him and be strong at the same time.
I lived at the shelter for almost 3 years. SVSG were able to get hold of my Dad and he came to visit me once to make sure I was safe. He saw how happy I was and was surprised that I had learned to do things like cooking while I was there. I also felt brave and was no longer afraid of men. Once the court case was over and I was able to leave, my Dad came to pick me up and I returned with him to our family home.
My Dads Uncle who was the Matai or head chief of our family chased my Uncles wife and her son out of the village. He still keeps in touch with us to check on how we are doing.
Since then I have married and am now the mother of 2 beautiful children who I treasure.
I still keep in touch with my sisters I was in the shelter with at SVSG - we have a group chat on Facebook. We are all working except for one who is graduating next year. We encourage each other and all plan to meet again in Samoa for a family reunion at the shelter.
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If you find yourself in an abusive/violent situation, the following hotlines are availabe:
New Zealand:
The Family Violence Information Line (0800 456 450) - provides self-help information and connects people to services where appropriate. It is available seven days a week, from 9am to 11pm, with an after-hours message redirecting callers in the case of an emergency.
Women’s Refuge 0800 733 843
Shine: 0508 744 633 – domestic abuse helpline with professional support
In an emergency phone Police 111
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Samoa:
Samoa Victim Support Group - 800 7874
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Tonga:
Women & Children Crisis Centre - +676 22240
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Suggested Links:
Samoa Victim Support Group - A Ray of Hope